Monday, November 15, 2010

Draft 3 Week 13

Plague

The year was long and summer
imposed itself on us like an obligation,
I remember the whole town seemed to sink under the weight of it.

July brought with it a recombinant, orange haze
that swarmed the streets in the afternoon, and even the platoons
of teenagers had conceded their parking-lot jurisdiction
to the indoors.

That summer you were like a factory, and
I was your column of smoke: the pollution
of your machine.

At night, I walk up the road to the abandoned industrial park,
past the mounds of twisted rubble and old conduits
strung-out along the embankments of the company lake.

This town will wear you down.

2 comments:

  1. Brian,

    There are some really interesting things going on in this draft. I really want to know more about about the relationship the speaker has to the person in Stanza 3. I adore the "I was your column of smoke: the pollution on your machine", but it left me yearning for more.

    Also, could this draft be rooted in a real place? The language is already there, but a little expansion might help engage the senses a little more. Where is the industrial park located? Those are just a few things to think about.

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  2. Brian, there are some fantastic images, particularly early on. Check out Brian Henry's book QUARANTINE. It may just help you with this idea.

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