The calisthenics exercise from yesterday's class really gave me some cool ideas. I'll post the original results from the exercise and then I'll post a revised version exhibiting the direction I see this going--sort of grouping these lines together.
---------------------------------------------------
Signifying mortality, it was
as personal as life itself.
Sneaking off to Magnolia,
things were looking up already
but there was no way she could tell
her girlfriends how it was.
That was what they craved unconditionally.
Doing their best to avoid going home.
But we do have something in common
and please, do not reject my very first love affair.
Mandy serves herself potatoes. Jill's having salad,
everything was picked out except for the iceberg lettuce.
It was a sidelong glance through the fissure.
His pajamas will slide out sight down
the laundry chute, a fresh pair, before
it will be come something completely different altogether.
Come breakfast, your thoughts have joined my own,
on a diplomatic mission to Venice.
A soldier is buried beneath the house, my teeth, this family.
I miss them terribly. So, then
what is the worst part about growing old.
I felt more profoundly impressed than ever.
-----------------
Revision:
Please, do not reject my first love affair.
Signifying mortality, it was as personal as life itself.
It was a sidelong glance through the fissure,
It was something completely different altogether.
Sneaking off to Magnolia,
On a diplomatic mission,
Things were looking up already.
By breakfast, your thoughts had joined my own.
I served myself the potatoes, you had a salad
everything picked out except lettuce.
I felt more profoundly than ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment