Trista,
I was just reading over your journal and found this really great calisthenics piece from last week. I don't know if this came from the translation exercise, but I guess that doesn't matter--I see some interesting things happening here. The piece is chock full of all this puzzling language and this almost Merwinesque dreamlike register. I especially dig the moments where the images of the rabbit (or foot) (or really just the natural world, ex. "footprints criss-crossing the pasture and out into tomorrow") are bordered against this sort of broken, ahem, human world? or civilization? (ex. "full of soured wristwatches/ belts graze dinner plates, concrete polaroid dinners").
So, I agree with Dr. Davidson's commentary about utilizing some sort of guiding image to try to "contain" all of this great ethereal language. I know because this is where I struggle. When I write I get so involved with the words themselves--mad scientist mode takes over, anything goes. I think the key is in the "housing" or in the containing of the thing with a guiding image or a maybe a constellation of these images.
I hope this makes sense. It's really cool things.
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